When Tom died, it was as if I found myself thrown from the boat in the middle of a hurricane storm. I’m in the water, struggling to tread water, and there’s something tied to my leg pulling me under. I can’t swim back to the boat. I am helpless. The boat is circling around me with everyone else on the planet - except him. I can’t see him anymore. I am struggling between the tears and the water to find him on the boat. Can someone help me? Can someone please find him? The boat just continues to circle around me. Family, friends and strangers are on the boat shouting at me, looking down, commentating about the tragedy that has befallen me.